The best times that have been had, someday will become the worst memories. This attire of the body is stained without pain.Sweating blame and non-compassion for all that one toiled for. Floating on this shallow sea of morality, the wish was always to drown. Was thrown in this world to twist and turn, to cry and learn, to love and burn. All that is wanted is always achieved, all that is, is always bereaved. The only sight is a blinding light and to get there now is an ego plight. It was easiest to let go of all that was held so close, everything that was got, everything that we chose. The time is now to resurrect, to make it wrong all that seemed correct. Looking beyond the sensibilities of the futile imagination and see the blankness that awaits. The wait was long but not planned this early. The answers are here but the questions gone, time had stopped but the watch ticked on. Still at the funeral where all is laid, everything spoken with nothing been said. The biggest trial is always you, the ones survived are all the few. Driving down this dark alley to to meet the best of all friends. The navigator and the destination are the same. Give up your vows and there He finds you!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Date with God-Birthday!
Today is my birthday. It only added to my dismay until yesterday. My emotional tides have been high in the past few months. I didnt have many plans for today apart from going to Sai Mandir and taking my parents out for lunch. My friends drank and made merry last night as i was to get an year older. I felt old too. I felt bereaved, remorsed, discontent and all such things which are okie to make one depressed!
But things started to change even before the clock struck 12. I started to feel amiable with whatever was then. And it got better with a flurry of phonecalls made by friends. Its nice to be remembered.
I got up this morning devoid of any expectations from the day and tried keeping my emotions at bay!
But miraculously i was feeling abundantly blessed by God's will. I felt consummate energy flowing inside me. I touched my parent's feet only to get no response from Mom but i still felt unequivocal. I just smiled and carried on to the kitchen. Made tea, freshened up. A few more calls from my sisters and then friends and thankfully money being transferred to my a/c by my eldest sister could only illuminate my face further. Yeah i shined brighter than the sun after a long while! The trip to Sai Mandir came first. The main gate was locked and i could not get a glimpse of Baba but i felt surrounded by Him. That moment had an excellent fervor to it. Had a long muted conversation with Baba and yeah handed him my wishlist too! Next was Lunch and we had nice South-Indian food at a nearby Restaurant. Papa had to be forced to come along but it was worth the effort. I am not particularly fond of South-Indian food though people are vulnerable to associate anything Southie with me. Must be my Good Looks!So i was two down and one to go. My final plan for the day was to visit an Orphanage. I had been suggested this by a close friend about a month ago. I thank you earnestly. This little piece of advice is the best birthday gift you and i could have mutually agreed upon! So i finally picked up a friend of mine and went to see this place. Was not much trouble finding the place. Once we confirmed the strength of kids at the place we went out, bought chocolates and returned. I guess i ran into innocence once again. Thirty-five children and most of them under the age of ten. Their grief carefully masked behind the simplicity of their smiles. Never had i seen so many beautiful faces all at the same time. After distributing the chocolates and having gone through the round of super-wishes from the Godly lot i felt immensely pained and content at the same time. And then Began the Birthday song. Never had it sounded so sweet before. All thirty five in unison with a mystical purity in their voices and the never ending chastity of their smiles. My friend was in tears and so was I!The most sublime moment of this day was now and i relive it as i write this. They sang the whole song wishing me a longer life and many more friends. I dont quite know if i want it as much. But they obliquely reminded me today how blessed i am. Something i rather tend to forget more often than not. Since i was left with a few more chocolates, i decided to ask them to volunteer to sing or do any activity of their choice to grab more chocolates. A little girl came up front and sang a nice Nepali song for all of us.It was heart-tendering and blissful. I think it was a nepalese prayer. After some more fun and activity and after the chocolates had vanished we called it curtains. Had a photo-session with them too before i left. I can say i left that place feeling better than i had ever done before. I can finally say that God is visible if we just bother to notice. I felt dazed, i felt closest to him today. I promise to go back. I hope i get enough strength to be of service someday in whatever way i can. I now know i will.
The wishlist i handed To Baba in the morning has been altered a bit now.
Thankyou all.
But things started to change even before the clock struck 12. I started to feel amiable with whatever was then. And it got better with a flurry of phonecalls made by friends. Its nice to be remembered.
I got up this morning devoid of any expectations from the day and tried keeping my emotions at bay!
But miraculously i was feeling abundantly blessed by God's will. I felt consummate energy flowing inside me. I touched my parent's feet only to get no response from Mom but i still felt unequivocal. I just smiled and carried on to the kitchen. Made tea, freshened up. A few more calls from my sisters and then friends and thankfully money being transferred to my a/c by my eldest sister could only illuminate my face further. Yeah i shined brighter than the sun after a long while! The trip to Sai Mandir came first. The main gate was locked and i could not get a glimpse of Baba but i felt surrounded by Him. That moment had an excellent fervor to it. Had a long muted conversation with Baba and yeah handed him my wishlist too! Next was Lunch and we had nice South-Indian food at a nearby Restaurant. Papa had to be forced to come along but it was worth the effort. I am not particularly fond of South-Indian food though people are vulnerable to associate anything Southie with me. Must be my Good Looks!So i was two down and one to go. My final plan for the day was to visit an Orphanage. I had been suggested this by a close friend about a month ago. I thank you earnestly. This little piece of advice is the best birthday gift you and i could have mutually agreed upon! So i finally picked up a friend of mine and went to see this place. Was not much trouble finding the place. Once we confirmed the strength of kids at the place we went out, bought chocolates and returned. I guess i ran into innocence once again. Thirty-five children and most of them under the age of ten. Their grief carefully masked behind the simplicity of their smiles. Never had i seen so many beautiful faces all at the same time. After distributing the chocolates and having gone through the round of super-wishes from the Godly lot i felt immensely pained and content at the same time. And then Began the Birthday song. Never had it sounded so sweet before. All thirty five in unison with a mystical purity in their voices and the never ending chastity of their smiles. My friend was in tears and so was I!The most sublime moment of this day was now and i relive it as i write this. They sang the whole song wishing me a longer life and many more friends. I dont quite know if i want it as much. But they obliquely reminded me today how blessed i am. Something i rather tend to forget more often than not. Since i was left with a few more chocolates, i decided to ask them to volunteer to sing or do any activity of their choice to grab more chocolates. A little girl came up front and sang a nice Nepali song for all of us.It was heart-tendering and blissful. I think it was a nepalese prayer. After some more fun and activity and after the chocolates had vanished we called it curtains. Had a photo-session with them too before i left. I can say i left that place feeling better than i had ever done before. I can finally say that God is visible if we just bother to notice. I felt dazed, i felt closest to him today. I promise to go back. I hope i get enough strength to be of service someday in whatever way i can. I now know i will.
The wishlist i handed To Baba in the morning has been altered a bit now.
Thankyou all.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Arrived
Its a beautiful night.
Bejwelled and adorned with its random array of stars and the moon sharing its glow with the darkness of what lies beyond.
Time is on vacation.
Vague thoughts take my breathing space.
Soaked and absorbed in its own willingness is the calmness of this restless moment.
The sun's making it rounds but seems forever invisible.
Senses contradict every truth of existence.
Hear the fighting plea of emotions for some sort of communion.
Never felt anything so alive, so vivid.
No sear though the fire's on rage.
Nothing can do wonders for the entity.
Enriching you with the mysteries of surrender.
This is where we'd all get someday.
This is where we were supposed to be.
The call has been forwarded for some.
No thankyous for being ahead, no sorries for falling behind.
There is no search but only render.
The hopes of waiting have lost their virtue.
There is no hurry.
The world has stopped and the credit is taken.
Let it wait.
Forever had died long ago.
All that is, and all that would ever be is now.
Everything is, cause I am.
Bejwelled and adorned with its random array of stars and the moon sharing its glow with the darkness of what lies beyond.
Time is on vacation.
Vague thoughts take my breathing space.
Soaked and absorbed in its own willingness is the calmness of this restless moment.
The sun's making it rounds but seems forever invisible.
Senses contradict every truth of existence.
Hear the fighting plea of emotions for some sort of communion.
Never felt anything so alive, so vivid.
No sear though the fire's on rage.
Nothing can do wonders for the entity.
Enriching you with the mysteries of surrender.
This is where we'd all get someday.
This is where we were supposed to be.
The call has been forwarded for some.
No thankyous for being ahead, no sorries for falling behind.
There is no search but only render.
The hopes of waiting have lost their virtue.
There is no hurry.
The world has stopped and the credit is taken.
Let it wait.
Forever had died long ago.
All that is, and all that would ever be is now.
Everything is, cause I am.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
All for once, Once for All!
The hurt is my castle, and only pain reigns
My moment of truth are the tears that rain
For all that i was and all i have been
I sit and regret, for forgiveness im keen
My heaven on earth is the love you gave
My hell forever is the love i saved
From the morning blues of the sky
To the grey end of each day
I have always loved you
I just did it my own way
But now you are gone & i have lost my soul
We made it one together, I return all i stole
Drinking the inevitable glass of guilt
I dream about the monument we built
I feel like a slave to uncertainty now
If i have to believe i know not how
To her i spoke and and my words seemed forced
If you could see it now, Void is my only course
And the hands of Clock have stabbed my heart
Though i'd stitch it up, the scar wont part
They all tell me that time shall heal
Without you though my world it will steal
The quintessence of me has become your love
Dont break me like a mirror, You im made of
I know how you feel, and know you had to wait
But now is the time My Love not to give up faith
All my five horizons revolve around you
The sixth one tells me that my love is so new
For me you are brighter than a thousand suns
Show me your light, just shine again once
Lets try if you can and change that definition
My love has evolved, so have i & so has my destination
I Love You Sal and you're my only all!
My moment of truth are the tears that rain
For all that i was and all i have been
I sit and regret, for forgiveness im keen
My heaven on earth is the love you gave
My hell forever is the love i saved
From the morning blues of the sky
To the grey end of each day
I have always loved you
I just did it my own way
But now you are gone & i have lost my soul
We made it one together, I return all i stole
Drinking the inevitable glass of guilt
I dream about the monument we built
I feel like a slave to uncertainty now
If i have to believe i know not how
To her i spoke and and my words seemed forced
If you could see it now, Void is my only course
And the hands of Clock have stabbed my heart
Though i'd stitch it up, the scar wont part
They all tell me that time shall heal
Without you though my world it will steal
The quintessence of me has become your love
Dont break me like a mirror, You im made of
I know how you feel, and know you had to wait
But now is the time My Love not to give up faith
All my five horizons revolve around you
The sixth one tells me that my love is so new
For me you are brighter than a thousand suns
Show me your light, just shine again once
Lets try if you can and change that definition
My love has evolved, so have i & so has my destination
I Love You Sal and you're my only all!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Was, Is & Will always be
She gave it all, she loved the love
My prayers were answered from high above
I wish to bring back the strands of time
You gave me a fortune without a dime
Dont tell me why i should let you go
To love you not i'll never know
I had lost myself and i was always wrong
You're the meaning of my words, You're my Song
And now you're my only toxic for all my life
You gave me up but for you i strive
I feel so weak but my love is strong
I'll wait forever if the wait is long
Will you in time, let me borrow your pain
There are many you took away, they should'nt be in vain
I wont back down, and i'd wish and pray
God give me my Ayesha, thats all i have to say!!
My prayers were answered from high above
I wish to bring back the strands of time
You gave me a fortune without a dime
Dont tell me why i should let you go
To love you not i'll never know
I had lost myself and i was always wrong
You're the meaning of my words, You're my Song
And now you're my only toxic for all my life
You gave me up but for you i strive
I feel so weak but my love is strong
I'll wait forever if the wait is long
Will you in time, let me borrow your pain
There are many you took away, they should'nt be in vain
I wont back down, and i'd wish and pray
God give me my Ayesha, thats all i have to say!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Winds of Change!
For long been a disciple of Baba Laziness and finally decided to scribble something as useless as this one right here!What a year its been.Changes.Yeah thats what 2011's agenda has been. Like many of you reading this, im disgusted with the idea of change when its introduced but then better sense(you can call it sobriety) prevails at times and i know i cant really be questioning the laws. God must have had qualified personnel.What next? Yeah im still convincing myself that this is where i was supposed to be. This one seems like a long battle and im on both sides. There's a dirth of interesting things i could think of right now and am resisting myself from talking about politics for 2 reasons. Here they are : 1.) Too much of it is being talked about anyway and most importantly 2.) Im not drunk right now and the patriot in me is in deep slumber until next time.
Im not a social media fanatic though i do get onto Fb and Twitter every now and then. Thats pretty much a by-product of non-productivity.I guess it needs a special mention how useless i feel logged into FB for no reason while im actually playing Solitaire. This is what it has done to us Mortals(FB seems Immortal), I hate it n it gets a mention on my blogs too! Anyway im moving on from the mediocrity of FB and other such thoughts to the more intangible and relevant theories of this self-absorbed existence. Like how i feel i would have been half-crazy if it was not for your love. Now that You are mine, i have lost it completely! Like Hell, i do feel lonely and alone and secluded and pissed off for feeling the things i feel! The days turn into nights and in turn the nights take their vengeance and turn into days. Well thats no secret for anybody but it does fuel the void inside me. The beauty of life has turned grotesque! Im not yet depressed. Bored.Perhaps! Plan not to be a martyr to negativity ever. This too shall pass. All excited about my sisters visit in 10 days. That could be, should be, would be a welcome Change. Hoping to make a Delhi trip too. And some place else once im there. Into the Wild i hope. I know God is watching this space too!
Im not a social media fanatic though i do get onto Fb and Twitter every now and then. Thats pretty much a by-product of non-productivity.I guess it needs a special mention how useless i feel logged into FB for no reason while im actually playing Solitaire. This is what it has done to us Mortals(FB seems Immortal), I hate it n it gets a mention on my blogs too! Anyway im moving on from the mediocrity of FB and other such thoughts to the more intangible and relevant theories of this self-absorbed existence. Like how i feel i would have been half-crazy if it was not for your love. Now that You are mine, i have lost it completely! Like Hell, i do feel lonely and alone and secluded and pissed off for feeling the things i feel! The days turn into nights and in turn the nights take their vengeance and turn into days. Well thats no secret for anybody but it does fuel the void inside me. The beauty of life has turned grotesque! Im not yet depressed. Bored.Perhaps! Plan not to be a martyr to negativity ever. This too shall pass. All excited about my sisters visit in 10 days. That could be, should be, would be a welcome Change. Hoping to make a Delhi trip too. And some place else once im there. Into the Wild i hope. I know God is watching this space too!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Memories
Memories
The days have changed n nights are new
Memories of you are never few
I think of the times when you're all
My world without you, it feels so small
I feel like a man who's lost that toy
The one he loved since he was a boy
Is there a day without your thoughts
The answer is how, the answer is what
I've been so happy but its never been true
Though it was sad i loved it with you
Dont know what happened cuz the love was strong
We lost each other n neither was wrong
Memories of you give me joy n tears
I wont be what i was n always fear
Forgive me for the pains you had
They were not what i had planned
I am sorry I still love you
And the memories are never few
The days have changed n nights are new
Memories of you are never few
I think of the times when you're all
My world without you, it feels so small
I feel like a man who's lost that toy
The one he loved since he was a boy
Is there a day without your thoughts
The answer is how, the answer is what
I've been so happy but its never been true
Though it was sad i loved it with you
Dont know what happened cuz the love was strong
We lost each other n neither was wrong
Memories of you give me joy n tears
I wont be what i was n always fear
Forgive me for the pains you had
They were not what i had planned
I am sorry I still love you
And the memories are never few
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