The best times that have been had, someday will become the worst memories. This attire of the body is stained without pain.Sweating blame and non-compassion for all that one toiled for. Floating on this shallow sea of morality, the wish was always to drown. Was thrown in this world to twist and turn, to cry and learn, to love and burn. All that is wanted is always achieved, all that is, is always bereaved. The only sight is a blinding light and to get there now is an ego plight. It was easiest to let go of all that was held so close, everything that was got, everything that we chose. The time is now to resurrect, to make it wrong all that seemed correct. Looking beyond the sensibilities of the futile imagination and see the blankness that awaits. The wait was long but not planned this early. The answers are here but the questions gone, time had stopped but the watch ticked on. Still at the funeral where all is laid, everything spoken with nothing been said. The biggest trial is always you, the ones survived are all the few. Driving down this dark alley to to meet the best of all friends. The navigator and the destination are the same. Give up your vows and there He finds you!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Date with God-Birthday!
Today is my birthday. It only added to my dismay until yesterday. My emotional tides have been high in the past few months. I didnt have many plans for today apart from going to Sai Mandir and taking my parents out for lunch. My friends drank and made merry last night as i was to get an year older. I felt old too. I felt bereaved, remorsed, discontent and all such things which are okie to make one depressed!
But things started to change even before the clock struck 12. I started to feel amiable with whatever was then. And it got better with a flurry of phonecalls made by friends. Its nice to be remembered.
I got up this morning devoid of any expectations from the day and tried keeping my emotions at bay!
But miraculously i was feeling abundantly blessed by God's will. I felt consummate energy flowing inside me. I touched my parent's feet only to get no response from Mom but i still felt unequivocal. I just smiled and carried on to the kitchen. Made tea, freshened up. A few more calls from my sisters and then friends and thankfully money being transferred to my a/c by my eldest sister could only illuminate my face further. Yeah i shined brighter than the sun after a long while! The trip to Sai Mandir came first. The main gate was locked and i could not get a glimpse of Baba but i felt surrounded by Him. That moment had an excellent fervor to it. Had a long muted conversation with Baba and yeah handed him my wishlist too! Next was Lunch and we had nice South-Indian food at a nearby Restaurant. Papa had to be forced to come along but it was worth the effort. I am not particularly fond of South-Indian food though people are vulnerable to associate anything Southie with me. Must be my Good Looks!So i was two down and one to go. My final plan for the day was to visit an Orphanage. I had been suggested this by a close friend about a month ago. I thank you earnestly. This little piece of advice is the best birthday gift you and i could have mutually agreed upon! So i finally picked up a friend of mine and went to see this place. Was not much trouble finding the place. Once we confirmed the strength of kids at the place we went out, bought chocolates and returned. I guess i ran into innocence once again. Thirty-five children and most of them under the age of ten. Their grief carefully masked behind the simplicity of their smiles. Never had i seen so many beautiful faces all at the same time. After distributing the chocolates and having gone through the round of super-wishes from the Godly lot i felt immensely pained and content at the same time. And then Began the Birthday song. Never had it sounded so sweet before. All thirty five in unison with a mystical purity in their voices and the never ending chastity of their smiles. My friend was in tears and so was I!The most sublime moment of this day was now and i relive it as i write this. They sang the whole song wishing me a longer life and many more friends. I dont quite know if i want it as much. But they obliquely reminded me today how blessed i am. Something i rather tend to forget more often than not. Since i was left with a few more chocolates, i decided to ask them to volunteer to sing or do any activity of their choice to grab more chocolates. A little girl came up front and sang a nice Nepali song for all of us.It was heart-tendering and blissful. I think it was a nepalese prayer. After some more fun and activity and after the chocolates had vanished we called it curtains. Had a photo-session with them too before i left. I can say i left that place feeling better than i had ever done before. I can finally say that God is visible if we just bother to notice. I felt dazed, i felt closest to him today. I promise to go back. I hope i get enough strength to be of service someday in whatever way i can. I now know i will.
The wishlist i handed To Baba in the morning has been altered a bit now.
Thankyou all.
But things started to change even before the clock struck 12. I started to feel amiable with whatever was then. And it got better with a flurry of phonecalls made by friends. Its nice to be remembered.
I got up this morning devoid of any expectations from the day and tried keeping my emotions at bay!
But miraculously i was feeling abundantly blessed by God's will. I felt consummate energy flowing inside me. I touched my parent's feet only to get no response from Mom but i still felt unequivocal. I just smiled and carried on to the kitchen. Made tea, freshened up. A few more calls from my sisters and then friends and thankfully money being transferred to my a/c by my eldest sister could only illuminate my face further. Yeah i shined brighter than the sun after a long while! The trip to Sai Mandir came first. The main gate was locked and i could not get a glimpse of Baba but i felt surrounded by Him. That moment had an excellent fervor to it. Had a long muted conversation with Baba and yeah handed him my wishlist too! Next was Lunch and we had nice South-Indian food at a nearby Restaurant. Papa had to be forced to come along but it was worth the effort. I am not particularly fond of South-Indian food though people are vulnerable to associate anything Southie with me. Must be my Good Looks!So i was two down and one to go. My final plan for the day was to visit an Orphanage. I had been suggested this by a close friend about a month ago. I thank you earnestly. This little piece of advice is the best birthday gift you and i could have mutually agreed upon! So i finally picked up a friend of mine and went to see this place. Was not much trouble finding the place. Once we confirmed the strength of kids at the place we went out, bought chocolates and returned. I guess i ran into innocence once again. Thirty-five children and most of them under the age of ten. Their grief carefully masked behind the simplicity of their smiles. Never had i seen so many beautiful faces all at the same time. After distributing the chocolates and having gone through the round of super-wishes from the Godly lot i felt immensely pained and content at the same time. And then Began the Birthday song. Never had it sounded so sweet before. All thirty five in unison with a mystical purity in their voices and the never ending chastity of their smiles. My friend was in tears and so was I!The most sublime moment of this day was now and i relive it as i write this. They sang the whole song wishing me a longer life and many more friends. I dont quite know if i want it as much. But they obliquely reminded me today how blessed i am. Something i rather tend to forget more often than not. Since i was left with a few more chocolates, i decided to ask them to volunteer to sing or do any activity of their choice to grab more chocolates. A little girl came up front and sang a nice Nepali song for all of us.It was heart-tendering and blissful. I think it was a nepalese prayer. After some more fun and activity and after the chocolates had vanished we called it curtains. Had a photo-session with them too before i left. I can say i left that place feeling better than i had ever done before. I can finally say that God is visible if we just bother to notice. I felt dazed, i felt closest to him today. I promise to go back. I hope i get enough strength to be of service someday in whatever way i can. I now know i will.
The wishlist i handed To Baba in the morning has been altered a bit now.
Thankyou all.
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